Adee. That’s all.

I was thinking last night. It wasn’t fair for me to leave you like that. But what I’m getting after going back to you is not a nice feeling afterall. I promised I won’t leave again. But is it fair for me this way?

After all you’re the first I ever considered. Just bear that in mind. I suck at this but I want to try. At least I’m willing to try.  It’s not fair that you’re restricting me in this too. Its just not.

I AM NOT OK. I SERIOUSLY AM NOT.

My body is definitely not used to this situation. It’s been letting out a lot of farts and shits in the past hours. Just in the past hours. I keep having this weird funny thing in my stomach everytime I think about yesterday.

PS: You. I’m not going to ask anymore. But don’t blame me if I go missing for awhile. I need some time. Not leaving you again promise but I’ll not be physically around much.

I’m fucked up. I fuck you up. I shouldn’t say fuck so much but I really think fuck is the only word I’m feeling and doing right now to things not fuck as fuck per se but more like having things to fuck up and let every body feel fucked up because I fucked up.

I miss watching her on the show. I really do. It was my only way of escapism in the past.wah fucking sad my life.

Count the number of triangles you can find.

Cheesy but true.

I have no other ways I can get this out I have no boyfriends and girlfriends or shit like that I feel so lonely right now I feel sometimes its fair but its not I dunnoe I keep insisting that I can lead this life alone but sometimes it likes a dark hole I keep diggin myself with my own little fingers but you help to make it bigger then I drown myself still very much alone you smile sometimes I feel you’re ok I know you’re not you would really prefer to step back for awhile in case I’m falling for you and I hate doing that because its not only wrong its not fair for you as well many will have to take all these because I appear like a temperamental bitch when I know love isn’t here sometimes it comes knocking on my door but I ignore it for a moment and just cherish your being there I always like it when I write without full stops like this because people won’t understand what I’m trying to say but the close ones would I don’t like that either because it will appear too desperate and I don’t like attention regarding matters of the heart but I really feel like there’s someone I can talk to right now but for the meantime I have get it back inside I’m afraid it will just break off this very thin wall I have inside and then its not nice because I have a really big thing to do and do it the best I can right now nobody I should disappoint for this why do I feel like Im the only one missing you I dont like you know I dont like it very much I need night breeze night breeze usually blow my tudung off but keeps my face really cool I like the feeling of it its not that I’m asking so much out of these but not everybody’s born like this I have to accept the fact that this will go on and on I have to fail at looking at it the very pessimistic way because some small little soul out there will hold my hand one day or whatever shits that comes along with it its all human nature to love and be loved and its all that we have to do actually all this studying and working is just something we all created ourselves and made it an obligation I have been missing on my 5 prayers quite amazingly I dont like it because usually I have no control whatesoever and I tend to forget God for the wonderful wonderful things that he have given me like the nice smelling mum  and the I -do-everything-for-my-children dad and all the others I love to love and bicker with they suck sometimes but they are always there I think I just made irah feel guilty because I smiled then she rolled her eyes withoout any reason I told my mum secretly and she ask if I have eaten I thought she wanted to be nice so I smiled and nodded and I kinda miss talking to my sister she always talk to her boyfriend these days kinda annoying but thats how it goes when you’re falling hard in love I understand because I haven’t got one but I like seeing couples in the train I just saw one lesbian couple the other day it saddens me much but what the heck they love each other but sometimes can be annoying with PDA please go somewhere like the reservoir or got some money book hotel then can drink champagne and can watch tv with many channels I know right its so cool but I prefer someone who would walk with me at a long long road its so nice because as you walk right then got nice car to look and they have very very nice colors at nice dont go neighbourhood areas la that is so annoying I have been missing quite a lot of people these days and I kiss my mum twice just now I feel like I should kiss her everyday other than the usual everyday salam and kiss on the forehead thing we do sometimes I want to have her all by myself and then my dad how btw here’s a funny thing I realize I can’t really talk to my dad he is so awesome when it comes to awkward moments but he wants to crack jokes sometimes at least theres some effort hey Im tired right now I should really stop I feel like shit right now I seriously do but God please let me just have the chance of getting this one right before I have break again and move on to someone else that will appear like the one but at the end of the day I know they are not so forget about love single life flings and crushes are the boomz right now.

i knew you would say all of those things. I was expecting too much. Just to reassure something that dont really matter or exist.

Last time in Science they teach me Matter exist. They bluff.:(

How do our parents love each other so damn much? I see alot of couples breaking down to smallest and pettiest thing on Earth. When my time comes how? Today meet half an hour later bye bye is it? Chee Sin la people today.

Click on picture to enlarge.

See you guys there!:D

after hearing this, you would probably think I’m obsessed. ya, actually i do feel likewise.

i’m gg for Talentime. 7.15pm. 15 oct. inshallah im gg to be there if panjang umur murah rezeki tudung tak terbakar or bad tudung day and everything’s fine at home im gg to be there. inshallah.

talking about bad tudung day. lin thinks it’s funny. WHAT! you guys with your hair can say you’re late for certain meet up session because of bad hair day, I can actually say for both. cos I still have my hair to dry and everything plus the tudung cannot be senget or anything. see how hard it is. but it’s no biggie la. its like wearing sari. just less tediousssssnesssss.

eh. im still not over this ticketing thing. it’s either I go down to woodlands tmr because its the nearest or ask my sister to book online which will be a hassle to her and I dont want that since she might not be coming cos of work and i think she’s sore about it but then again im from school so we’ll see about that. i need lin to be online right now. fiza also. because i think my sister’s not coming(though i really hope she will and can so she can see why im crazy over this woman. ok let’s just cool that down with the word ‘adore’) and they are serious shit on coming. shit i’m just showing how exagerrative I can be is that even a word.

oh and today was awesome. I kinda like the 5 of us having meetings outside. until school reopens that is.

oh lin and fat. i love you guys. a lot more today. with or without ‘cabbage’.

today’s been awesome but i’m kinda tired.

I THINK MY DREAM TONIGHT WILL BE AWESSOMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE. MY MIND WORKS LIKE THAT WHEN I’M EXCITED ABOUT SOMETHING. ITS JUST AWWWEEESSSSOMMMMMEEEEEE.

my grandad looks kinda cool in that expression. and nawwar, stop wearing ibu’s foundation. you look like thai tranny.

I never quite understand ‘frank and upright’ friendship until I meet you guys.

Then Lin had to leave for IBP leaving me with this kid. Not near the longkang thank god.

We took an oath to take care of each other during this IBP monsoon period. No matter what. Hopefully so far I have done my part cos she has.

*eh is that a pimple or dimple on my cheek?*

I really hope I didn’t hurt her feelings deep deep the other time. f I was frigging careless.

I promise I won’t hurt you again k Kak Fat I’m so soorry. I’ll kiss your forehead again next time. well technically my hand…but whatever.

SO ANYWAYS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU SITI FATIMAH BTE RAHMAT

You’ll make it in life I’m sure. You’re a great daughter and sister and friend and human being I’m so glad I meet you in this life because seriously I don’t believe in reincarnation so I’m glad we met and I thought we should meet earlier but then it’ll spoil the friendship cos you can ask my friends how different I’ve become as a person all thanks to you no la i’m kidding hey I’m typing like you, without a fullstop so ya, panjang umur murah rezeki and

I love you fat thankyou.

that picture really look like I’m kissing your boobs shiat.

ps: fat i wanted to buy you a present but now I have to invest them all to test shoot I’m gonna cry but once I get my money again be sure to buy you something.